Aug 7
There are many misconceptions about Twos, but one of the most prevalent is that all male type twos manifest the same way as female Twos. Male Twos (and even all Twos in general) are not all super hospitable and overtly generous and flattering. They don’t all fit into the “host” role, the very “nurturing” role, the extremely outwardly affectionate role, the pushover role.. Some of them are a little more openly emotional, some of them aren’t. Some of them are okay being more vulnerable even tho it’s against “society”, and some of them feel like they do sometimes feel the pressure to conceal some things about their personality. If I learned anything from these amazing interviews, it’s that the same way male Twos are different from our female Twos, all of our male Twos are different in some ways as well- and I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Here are their thoughts:
What is it like being a male Two?
“Being a male 2 as an adult is pretty cool once you’ve accepted how God has made you. In male culture a lot of us are raised up as not being able to have emotion or share how we are feeling. I specifically remember my dad telling me how sensitive I was to everything usually in a negative context which really affected how I perceived things. I played a lot of sports too so a lot of what I assumed how guys should be care from social cues and of course the immature sexuality jokes.”
“Overall, I enjoy it. I love being able to read and help other people well. I get a lot of self worth from how much I help others. This can also be a negative, as I think other people can get accustomed to ‘that’s just how I am’ and not understand that I cannot always give.”
What do you think makes male Twos different from female Twos?
“Male twos have to fight against that stereotype a bit so there is a bit of shame and hiding associated with being in this type. Also, it is sometimes surprising and endearing to others when a more nurturing and emotionally in tune response comes from me so it lets me break down barriers more. I’m a pastor so that is helpful in conversation.”
“Male twos at least in my experience are more repressive with their feelings and not as open because of social cues or because it’s looked down upon. So sometimes we let stuff simmer and then self destruct when we compare ourselves to others.”
How does the core motivation of love play out in your life?
“In my life, even when people are distant, Its very important for me to make sure they know that I love them whatever the circumstances, because I know how great this feeling is.”
“I look to be appreciated (“loved”) for being helpful without being asked or for fixing a problem and get super frustrated when the things I do are not acknowledged or applauded. Then I also feel emotionally seen and cared for when that all does happen so I’m pretty cheap to keep happy.”
“I unfortunately give-to-get without realizing it. I recently was presented with the quote ‘unsaid expectations are unfair expectations’, and that really spoke to me. I cannot live my life dependent on the love of others, in all situations. I can lead with love in all relationships, being true to who I am, and see that not everyone will accept me or who I am. So now I strive to love because I choose to and let my desire for love first be met with myself: loving who I am and being ok with me.”
Does it bother you that you that the Two *stereotype* is feminine and female Twos probably outnumber males, or do you think that that makes you unique that you’re the minority and more rare?
“Of course sometimes it bothers me, I have had people tell me I'm too sensitive for a man, and then I’ve tried to do things like a “strong man” and that didn’t end well.
But in general I’m happy to be able to take care of others like the majority of men cant.”
“It doesn’t really bother me being against stereotype because I’ve been that way in most other areas of my life as well. I do generally get along better with women as friends so it tends to fit. My wife is the flip and tends toward more generally male stereotypes in behavior and emotions. So it’s a good pair.”
“The stereotype only bothers me when people expect me to be soft, avoid conflict, and the negative side of that. Helping people in reality often leads to some kind of conflict. There’s a John Maxwell quote I come back to a lot: ‘Everything worthwhile is uphill.’ Sometimes you have to fight for growth.”
What would your advice be to other male Twos?
“Other male twos, and maybe all twos, depending on who needs it. Being supportive doesn’t make you weak. Often, the supports are the strongest part of a building. Your desire to hold others up makes you strong.”
“Seek confidence in God first and allow Him to speak into your uniqueness and strengths as a Two. Be aware that others may not feel as strongly as you do or understand the heart as well as you do, but know what you offer and allow yourself to always bring those strengths to the table of your relationships. Be confident in who you are as a Two and that you offer so much genuine emotion and care to relationships.”
What is your main struggle as a type Two?
“My big struggle is feeling like a failure when I am not able to be everything for everyone and help in all the ways I want to. Acknowledging my real limitations is very difficult. Even to see when I’m getting close to them.”
“My main struggles are turning to things that won’t help me, finding acceptance in places that are fleeting, not trusting in God, dealing with doubt He exists, not leading with confession and letting things simmer, and getting taken advantage of in the workplace for my abilities, not speaking up.”
“My biggest struggle is probably the responsibility I place on myself for the people I care about. I have a bit of a Superman thing that I’m currently working on. I want to be everyone’s first phone call, even though I know that wouldn’t be sustainable.”
What is your greatest strength as a Two?
“My greatest strength as a two is being able to anticipate and perceive the needs of others. Being considerate of others in public places and getting out of their way, serving a complete stranger that way, helping others to see what those needs are, and see what needs to be done and just comes naturally to me.“
“I think one of my biggest strengths is that I’m quick to see potential in people and call it out of them. I don’t like it when I hear someone say they can’t (as in they’re unable, not unavailable) to do something.”
These men where so honest and open about their experience as Twos! Thank you, and if you know a male two please share this with them. I think this could be highly encouraging to other Twos.
Written by: Madeline Smith of @2ish_andiknowit